Home / Fall 2011 / 2011-09-29 / Get realistic about dating

Get realistic about dating

To be faithful today is like finding a dog that won’t chase a cat. You find a dog that won’t chase a cat and I’ll show you a person who doesn’t cheat.

Now, if you live in a fantasy world where Disney’s fairy tale endings are your perception of how every guy you’re into is supposed to be then STOP reading. Don’t let me be the one that tells you that Santa is not real. If you’re under the age 25 and think you’re ready for marriage then please, please, please STOP reading. There is just no hope for you either way. Your world is just “too real” for us fake people so we should learn from you.

If you are not in a fantasy world where Cinderella is in every girl and do not subscribe to wedding magazines, then you, my friend, can be saved.

Can we all just agree that the title thing—let’s make it Facebook official and claim each other in our Twitter bios—does’t mean the same as before. The word “relationship” is more like a leash for cheaters.

That’s where they all flock to now; a relationship. It’s rather selfish if you think about it.

“Yeah, let’s get together so I won’t be totally alone, but if I see someone that catches my eye and is ready to parlay then there is no guarantee I won’t play in the bush.”

How rude and inconsiderate, but it’s the people in those relationships don’t see that. All they see is, “I love you.” Then we wonder why that person put up with that? I’ll tell you why. Because their fantasy is way better than our single, miserable fantasy and at the end of the day a guaranteed bed warmer at night is better than a pillow.

But these relationships that display the “never-ending” love in endless accounts of PDA are the fakest of all. It’s all show. Because when the weekend approaches, neither of them will know where each other is at, and you will because you’ll be staring at one of them all over some random person at a party.

Even though you want to smile inside when you see that infidelity, you feel slightly bad for the idiot at home because how was he or she supposed to know his or her mate is a cheater. She or he is in love.

In reality, the idiot doesn’t know that “love” is against them. There is a study on the site Your Tango that says 70 percent of married men admitted to cheating, and females weren’t any better with close to 60 percent. Now if that’s with marriage, then who’s saying a measly boyfriend/girlfriend tag is supposed to stand a chance.

Now, you can’t stop cheating. It’s inevitable like a tilted building that’s meant to fall. You can’t pin point it, prevent it or place blame on yourself or your mate because at the end of the day, we’re all just dating—some more serious than others.

Of course, what follows is not the perfect formula for the perfect relationship. If you were reading this for that nonsense then I should have told you to STOP reading also. This formula is one that prepares you for the unknown and allows you to be happy regardless of what happens.

While there are relationships that do work and they are purely committed to each other, which I see every blue moon and can count on one hand. I do bow down to them for getting over those rough patches to get where they are because love like that doesn’t happen all the time. Still, those are exceptions and exceptions are rare folks.

There are a couple of things you can do though:

1) Don’t pretend it can’t happen to you because you have the perfect mate. Bull-ish! No one is perfect and nine times out of 10 if you’re thinking this then you’re being cheated on.

2) You’re human and the person you’re with is, too. These relationships we strive to have don’t happen overnight. Monogamy is hard; just ask some other cultures who refrain from it. Plus, if you are under the age of 25, then settling all the way down should be a thought, not a total commitment. Give yourself room to find out what YOU LIKE.

3) Nothing you have is promised. You can be in a relationship today and out of one tomorrow! It’s ok to be single. It’s a hard life but at least you know how to be by yourself. When it’s truly over then you’ll see that that wasn’t the one for you anyway.

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  1. Now that I read the entire thing, I was exactly right. This is very poorly written, and too generalized.

    For starters, there is no absolute perfects in this world. Not everybody cheats, and it’s easy to find a person who doesn’t. Unfortunately, cheating is alot more common than most of us care to believe. Chances are, the more desirable you are, the more difficult it will be not too cheat, and if you have a sexual addiction, chances are you’re going to cheat whether you want to or not. But I care not to overgeneralize myself, there are no absolutes.

    Your emotional rant against Disney cartoons being unrealistic seems dumb. That’s like me saying “Listen, if you believe getting up 7am and going to work is similar to battling Transformers over the fate of the Universe, than stop reading what I got to say”. The point is, nobody believes in the Disney fantasy, but everybody likes pretend. Everybody likes to dream, everybody likes to take a break from this real life and just fantasize about crap, it’s what people do.

    What bothers me the most about reading this is that the title says “Get realistic”, but the irony is that the author ain’t writing his points very realistically. It seems very emotionally driven, and irrational.

    Now, as for partners who seek mates to fill the empty void of loneliness, and than discard the mate when a better mate is found. I agree, this does happen, and it does happen alot more than I would like it to, and yes, it’s also very likely going to happen to many of us more than once. There is alot of evolutionary and cultural reasons for this, and yes, much of it does boil down to our expectations being too damn high.

    But that’s just how our society functions. Harboring resentment is futile.

    Realistic dating requires us to be wise with our fight/flight/middle finger response. Sometimes we have to fight (not physically) and be assertive to our rights. Other times we just gotta flight, and maturely accept things as they are and walk away. “You lose! loser!!!!”, and sometimes, when we can’t do either, we have the middle finger response. It communicates “I hate what you are doing, but I cannot do nothing about it, but I’m going to point my middle finger at you while you are not looking.”

    If you can direct these approaches well, you’ll become more realistic.

    I will conclude with a compliment though, despite the resentment, and the not so accurate knowledge you represent, you do have a few points that all men and women should consider. There is alot of value in your words, as you express the hurt in which I can see as something you experienced. You have been wronged, and considering you posted this over a year ago, chances are you’re no longer feeling so hostile.

    But, for anybody else reading, I do agree with the author, don’t be blind, human nature is flawed, and relationships quite aren’t what we always thought they would be.

  2. Hmmm, I stopped reading this after the first paragraph. Not to say that the content is wrong, but the way it’s presented feels very hostile, and therefore I predict that it is very very biased.

    Now I will start reading again to see if my beliefs are correct.

  3. While I agree that university students should not be oblivious to infidelity, I take great offense that this statement is generalized against me and my partner and also the tone of this article.

    I have seen a dog refuse to chase a cat and I’m proud to say I know my partner doesn’t cheat on me because we do keep in touch over the weekend, and we do not attend ‘classic college parties.’ Must I be called an “idiot” because I wait to hear my partner’s side of the story? Should I give up because there is not a magic ring on my finger that prevents cheating?

    No. I will place blame on my ‘mate’ because up-front we agreed on “exclusive dating.” I have enough self-respect to demand monogamy and if my partner cannot align with this principle then it is time for us to part ways. (#3)

    Being in a healthy relationship will always take work because, yes, we are human. I cannot assume my partner will never look at what may be more desirable than myself. Let him strive for what he cares for most. I will know where his heart is and take my leave. (#2)

    I do not believe in the perfect person. I believe in compatibility and willingness to put in effort. (#1)

    As for the amount of people who do not want to be “constrained”, do not see any value of marriage and/or did not agree on being exclusive- more power to them. I only wish no one is hurt by their lifestyle.

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